Who are you doing it all for?

Long time no seen.

It’s been a hectic couple of days in Sweden, so hectic I got sick.
I have a tendency to just rush full on a hundred% without even thinking – if I have a goal I want to get there as soon as I can. 
Kind of like when I built my van in 30 days and worked on it 12-14hrs/day, or when I went to the us to study and I studied at a 150% study pace and got straight A:s, or when I studied in Sweden 100% in a city that took me 3hrs back and forth everyday from where I lived and worked 50-75% at the same time, or when I worked 250hrs/month and was available by phone and email every day on top of that.

It’s always my body who says no first, this time I only got the worst cold ever.
Other times I have gotten rashes all over my legs for weeks which also resulted in insomnia, I have also experienced the opposite of that – hypersomnia, which was awful, I kept falling asleep e v e r y w h e r e several times a day and it was impossible to not fall asleep.

I seldom ask for help, I think it’s because my father has always gotten angry at me when I have asked for something, he doesn’t like to give time.
Two days ago someone asked ME if I wanted help – maybe he could tell it was a little much, I don’t know. I said yes, but the very same evening I felt bad and I asked someone else if it I was mean to accept help from someone else.. I don’t wanna be a pain or a burden.
The person I asked said something like “No? Why would it be mean? Don’t you like helping people?” I said yes, and tried my best not to feel bad.
I got the help, and it was so needed and I’m so thankful I got it. The very next day – this morning, I’m almost all well again.

I’m sure there are more people who behave the same way I have a tendency to do.
To you, I just want to say:
Accept the help, slow down and listen to your body. And maybe ask yourself – why are you doing this? For who? And is it worth it?

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